The mystery unfolds…. How do I spend the rest of my life knowing I will never be the same again? How do I deal with the situation? Why do I feel like I am not accepted by society?

Those are some serious questions that I had to answer. Well for some people they would say “Take life one day at a time”, “Don’t worry about people” here is the best one I always encounter “I am so sorry this happened to you” Just that comment alone makes me want to reply “You are apologizing to me like a dead or a ghost (LOL). No, but seriously, people don’t need to apologize just recognize the disability and do your best to assist if the disabled person asks for help. The other piece of advice is good, and it has a lot of truth to the saying. For me it is one of my personal understandings or the way that my mind comprehends things. I guess you would say being an overthinker is a blessing and curse at the same time. Being profoundly deaf, living in a world of silence the only sound I hear is Tinnitus (LOL). I can only react to a person’s body language. A good example is when I go to the grocery store, I would approach an employee to ask a question. I use a speech to text app on my phone and I explain to the employee how it works. So, I ask my question and turn my phone in the direction of the person so they could speak into the microphone, the only response I get is a blank stare. I guess they are thinking that they are being recorder or something with the question “What Isle is the dog treats on?” LOL. I am thinking with all the advanced technology out there you would assume the younger generation would be savvy to this method of communication. I can assure you that I am totally wrong.

The question is: How do I deal with being disabled?  Well, in my mind the situation could have been worse, It took me a long time to realize this I could not have been here (deceased). That was one way of looking at it. I used to get depressed when my wife and I would go out somewhere and people would start talking to her. I would feel left out because I could not engage in the conversation. See that right there I was overthinking the situation and making my own assumption causing my own grief. So now when I am in situations like that, I would make a joke to myself saying “This conversation is like a television show, its not captioned so just wait it out and move to the next channel” Surprisingly I felt better, I know it kind of a weird thinking process but it works for me. The bottom line is you find something that works for you. You can avoid situations like that, always remember it’s not your fault, so keep it moving.

The next question is: Why do I feel like I am not accepted by society?  That question was so deep it affected my self-esteem causing panic attacks and depression (along with some other things that’s a different blog post). I came up with my own answer yes/no. Yes, I am still part of society I can vote, drive, pay taxes. The mute button has been pushed in my situation LOL. I was overthinking again and caused my own pain. There are other people just like me that’s out there and they have created their own society. All I have to do is do a little research and find them and if you are in the same situation as me being profoundly deaf; feeling sorry for yourself is not going to get you anywhere but more depression. I would suggest you look for groups, organizations, clubs you can join and be around folks like yourself. It is an uplifting feeling knowing your not alone and others can relate to how you are feeling (it’s like good therapy).

Always remember life can change for one day to the next. We just must learn how to adapt to the storms that life presents to us.

“Pyro Veteran”